Need a laugh?

The Light, The Dark

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.

He found John sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Mike was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked John what he was doing. The patient replied, 'Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?'

The doctor inquired of John what Mike was doing.

John replied, 'Oh. He's my friend, a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb.'

The doctor looks up and notices Mike's face is going all red.

The doctor asks John, 'If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?'.

John replies, 'What? And work in the dark?'

Bed Fears

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. Then, when I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Doc, you've gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the psychiatrist. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"My fee is $100 per visit."

"That's awfully expensive, Doc," reckoned Shakey. "Let me sleep on it, and I'll get back to you."

Six months later, the doctor and Shakey crossed paths. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For $100 a visit? Heck, a bartender cured me for $10!"

"How do you figure?" asked the psychiatrist.

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

Two Carrots

Two carrots were walking down the road one day when all of a sudden a car drove by and hit one of them. The other carrot took the injured carrot to the hospital.

After examining him the doctor came into the waiting room and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your friend will live. The bad news is he'll be a vegetable the rest of his life."